The story of our courtship changes a little bit whether you’re listening to my husband or myself. Rest assured, “I” know the correct version so what you are about to read is in fact how things unfolded. We met in college. Yes, I married my college sweetheart! I was a senior and he was a sophomore. Pause…We are actually the same age, but Tramond had a little too much fun partying during his first years in college (I have pictures to prove it!).
I can’t be too hard on him for it though, as he invited me to attend a stepshow and see him perform when we met. Not the most clever pick up line maybe but it was just right to peek my interest. It didn’t hurt that he was very handsome and had quite a personality.
We’re here, so needless to say I attended the stepshow, which was well worth my hard-earned college student wages. His was my favorite performance of course. We talked after the show and I gave him my number. This was a few years before cell phones were the rave; I gave him my home phone number. (I realize I am dating myself here!) This is where our stories differ the most. According to my husband, I gave him the wrong number; a completely untrue tale. I, in fact, announced to my sister and cousins that I was waiting for the call of a lifetime (no exaggerations).
We both went on with life after this minor confusion and later on ran into each other on campus. You can imagine the awkwardness of the first few minutes of our conversation, with him thinking I intentionally gave him the wrong number and me believing he never called. Once we cleared the air, we exchanged numbers and have since been having long conversations, the types that make you laugh to the point of tears. A year and a half later, we were married in a beautiful, quaint ceremony officiated by my father-in-law.
Our first year of marriage was
blissful challenging. We expected our love butterflies to deliver constant gratification and keep us harmonious. Sadly, our memories from our first year of marriage were quite different. We argued about everything it seemed: where to eat, what to eat, who to visit, how to drive (not fully reconciled on this topic yet)… The fights seemed never ending and it puzzled us quite a bit.
We loved each other, were passionate about each other, yet we could not find a way to get along. We reluctantly began praying about the issues we faced. We shied from praying on the subject initially because it meant that we had to admit before God how poorly we had treated each other with our words and attitudes.
I recall us sitting together after a heated argument one evening trying to figure out what we kept doing wrong. We wrote down some of our challenges and began praying about them and praying for each other. Our problems were not resolved that evening, but it was a step in the right direction.
I believe God heard our sorrows and saw our genuine yearning for a better marriage. He opened doors for us to serve in ministry together at our church at the time and He placed believers in our paths who had the kinds of marriages that we wanted and could model a biblical covenant before us. Being the two selfish, arrogant sinners that we were, we continued arguing and wanting our own way.
Over time however, it became a little easier for us to apologize and reconcile. It took a long time but slowly we were growing toward a loving marriage. The biggest changes in our marriage came when we dedicated ourselves more to Bible study and prayer. As we were growing in our personal relationships with Christ, we became less selfish and more forgiving.
Even then, we struggled in the areas of decision-making and submission. I was determined to have an advanced degree, a career, financial freedom, designer bags, a luxury car, a house and yes, a family by the time I was thirty. I did not realize how much pressure these dreams placed on our marriage. Do not hear me saying there is anything wrong with having material possessions. The issue was that my heart had the wrong priorities and these desires placed a strain on my marriage.
I had to first submit to the Word of God and trust that these things were fleeting and needed not to be my priority; second, submit to the authority of my husband. The latter did not happen until a few years into our marriage and in the time that I’ve released my control grip, I’ve seen my husband leap into a new level of leadership at home and in ministry. I can sit here and say “Had I known…” but truly I needed to trust God and believe without seeing for there is a blessing in that.
I, however, believe that all of these experiences have worked to give me (us) an appreciation for the roles of the husband and wife in the marital relationship and the vital importance of love and submission. We’ve now been married for 9 short years. We continue to grow with each other and now with the addition of our two sons, we’re having to love each other as spouses-though tired and sleep-deprived-while being godly parents and balancing our other responsibilities. God has been faithful and gracious to our little family and we praise Him that we are a happy, thriving and loving family.
- Are you single, engaged, married or widowed? If married, how long have you been married?
- Do you recall your first year of marriage? How would you describe it?